Bountiful Reasons to Move
I used to write a weekly blurb called "Lake Effect" where I'd write something pithy about Utah's cultural craziness. Usually I focused on the pithy rather than the accurate because it's easier to complain than to have a valid complaining point. Last week I made my way to said city and saw this:
Click on the image if you can't read the sign. But please, sit down first. The sign didn't shock me because I grew up in Bountiful. These are the people who censor magazine cleavage with carefully cut sheets of thick, black plastic so grocery shoppers can see the eyes but not the rose buds, or the lovely fatty tissue that surrounds buds, of Hollywoodâs A-list. When I saw the sign I thought about "Lake Effect" and wished I could have one more chance to write another blurb that would reach so many readers. I get angry when I think about human beings who believe that drinking a couple of beers with your tacos will hurt children more than the tax-payer purchased glue the brats steal from their art teacher and huff till they forget everything they learned in abstinence-only sex education class.
Needless to say, I don't call Bountiful home.